So I was talking to a friend the other day, and she finds herself in an emotional predicament. Since it’s been a while since I’ve blogged or even done any fictional writing, I figured I’d take the base of her story and give it a go. Here’s the result… O, the “unrequited” love.
“All you gotta do is say, ‘yes.’ Don’t deny what you feel. Let me undress you, baby. Open up your mind and just rest. I’m about to let you know you make me so…” Her mind bathed in those lyrics as they floated through the air from her laptop. Making those words more than just beautiful lines from a favorite song was her accompaniment that evening. As they sat in the living room of his apartment, her mind swam, meeting the emotions of her heart, creating a complex blend of longing. Her entire being ached to let those words introduce a new level in their relationship and fulfill her deepest fantasy. Unfortunately, the likelihood of that was slimmer than the paper of her journal onto which she was currently spilling her feelings. As she glanced over at him, her heart smiled.
While she had never experienced anything like this before, she was certain that real love was supposed to feel like this. There was nothing they hadn’t shared, and she trusted him completely – quite a miracle when she considered her dealings with males in the past. He had always been a “safe” friend, because he was engaged when she met him. She knew she wouldn’t have to worry about him trying to be with her. Unfortunately for her, now that her feelings had blossomed, his now-wife became a barrier to the deepest ache of her being. Either way, she greatly appreciated him, and as she thought and wrote about the journey of friendship, love, and healing, a tear found its way down her cheek. Quickly, she wiped it away, glancing at him out of the corner of her eye to make sure he hadn’t seen it. As much as she would have loved to let him read her scribbling and embrace her as she desired, his heart mirroring her own, she knew it wouldn’t happen, and she didn’t want to have to explain the tear.
“I know that it’s late and maybe I shouldn’t be so into you. It’s just that tonight, I am so taken, I’m falling for you. When I look in your eyes I can see a million possibilities….” Her musical torture continued as Brandy sang for the object of her desire to “Come a Little Closer.” Fearing more tears, she hit the forward button on her iTunes, but things got no better. “I know you’re going. I can’t make you stay. I can only let you know I’ll love you anyway. And if the road you take leads to heartbreak somewhere down the line, if someone ever hurts you or treats your heart unkind – you just run to the arms of the one who loves you. You just run to these arms and these two arms will keep you warm.” Really? she thought. She decided to go to iTunes and pick song, knowing that her music library was full of potential emotional landmines.
Choosing “Wake Up” by John Legend, she hit play and got back to writing. Her job was blessing her and expanding her horizons far beyond what she’d expected. Though it made her have to be more extroverted and social than she really preferred, it was good for her and allowed her to do her true passion – drawing. Tuning out the music, she finished her journal entry and focused on the next piece of art, and she was soon lost in her drawing. Unfortunately, iTunes had a mind of its own, and she was shaken back to consciousness with “let me know. Let me know. O, o, let me know… When I feel what I feel, sometimes it’s hard to tell you so. You may not be in the mood to learn what you think you know. There are times when I find you wanna keep yourself from me, when I don’t have the strength; I’m just a mirror of what I see. But at your best, you are love. You’re a positive motivating force within my life. Should you ever feel the need to wonder why, let me know….” She wanted to scream, but she just hit the next button on the music, trying to escape the music that embodied how she felt about him.
“You wanna pick a song already? I mean…” he quipped. She shot him a look and a smile and replied,
“Whatever. I’m just trying to find… one I like.”
“Shouldn’t you like all the music on your laptop? I mean, you are the one getting the music, right?”
“Yes, sir. Right away, sir. Wouldn’t wanna upset the master.”
“Whatever,” he said, shooting her a look.
“Alright, fine.” She quickly created a playlist free of emotional turmoil and played it. Finally able to breathe, knowing that she was musically safe, she opened her journal and scribbled a 5-7-5 piece of her heart:
I lust after love,
My heart aches for authentic,
For what is in you.
Dancing with the Pen 
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